I'll take you with me

It's not getting any better. This conflict between people, ourselves, the distance, the origin of things, the meaning of it all.
When we feel lost we do not search outside, in the world available to us, but we walk backwards, inwards, searching the answers in the roots buried in the land that saw us for the first time. The very same land that encouraged those first steps to be big by themselves, not for purposes that only crazy people dares to establish.
So this is too small for me now. It's like a big ban in the process of shrinking, of asphyxiating me in its recovery from the multi and postmodern.
We went to the other side of the ocean to discover islands of impossible beauty, of Edens let by God to the hands of nature, away from the greed that finally corrupted them and us. If we discovered something in the journey, it was only our unlimited will to enslave and release, to punish and understand, to give and take away, like capricious little gods playing to be creators.
We cross the sky to reach for the stars... to wake up one day to the rhythm of the same tune and view.
We swam rivers of time to get to a goal that always seemed blur and unreachable just to say that we had lived.
Some of us loved till the word lost its meaning and became an array of letters, a concept of materialized bodies killing loneliness under the full moon, moaning like hungry unsatisfied wolves destined to be wild forever.
What is the lesson to be learned? Is there any at all?

This city pulls me down. It has its own gravity, heavier than the law that rules it.
And I love it for it tames me, it reminds me constantly that nothing is established or perpetual, that even inside me, two demons fight to death to conquer my mind.
One reminds me of you, of your charms and the pleasure of your body driving me to the oblivion of myself, to the border where I die to be born at your will.
The other is the force that enters in my soul through the world, through its pain and goodness and all the wisdom kept in ancient books, in the voices of the silence.

This city has a melody of commodities that, like lullabies, swing me in my sleep when I dream away walking its crowded central streets. It also has a memory of resistance for social purposes; a constructive force that keeps me wondering why they want us to believe or to be skeptical. And She wants me to achieve my own conclusions for she has the determination of a woman when it comes to love and hate.

It pulls me towards her, to her conjunction of accents and visions; of craziness and eternal reason trying to impose herself on me, raping my incredulity.
If there ever was any innocence left in me, it's long gone. It's gone with the wind that carries diseases and whispers of hearts that just found cheap love in the alleys of Soho. It's gone with my initial idea of a world of possibilities.

Still, I want to discover without the will to conquer. I wanna walk like the English patient in the body of my lover, carrying rivers of joy where I find drought, planting forests of sensuality where there is no magic.
I want to leave you and set you free from my clumsy attempts to drive you to my bed where impossible is forbiden.
Instead, I'll take you with me, as from this point on, I condemn you to be mine as I will always be yours.