Raquel's Room

Monday, 31 May 2010



So many words flying the unstoppable wind that comes form the nNorth, travelling from far away lands, bringing the echo of their desires until they arrive to the Thames where they mix with the excess of caffeine that sinners piss on it before they draw with the dirt...

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Import Export

"Import/Export"...Some critic said it was like a look inside the European Heart of Darkness.
It's indeed sometiing like it. I just could not take my eyes out of the tv screen. That story got me from the very beggining, with the scene of a baby fighting for his life. Ihere is something intriguing about how he holds on to it insticntivly. And that instict, that wondering why, that force drives the whole script.
It's not an easy watching film...It's like life in slow motion; a kind of life that lives soemwhere else, beyond the borders of my imagination, away form my safety security box packed with cds and dvds and a window with a view to the shopping centre where I can go to spend some pounds whenever I feel like it.
Soemone told me it's useless to get stressed by the things that are out of my hands. I know that, but I want him to teach me how not to feel them.
I guess that only some priviledged people can go around weightless. They are so lucky that they keep awareness at bay, not feeling the links that I cannot cut.
And this connection only serves to make useless judgements. It only serves to get closer to some of the Sean Penn's scripts, where a rebel is a rebel becuause he knows his place. We tend to think the oppossite, but I dont agree.
A rebel is someone who fights to fit. To fit her or his dreams into reality, and she or he bites the dust but never gives up the creed that makes of him of her what they are. And they are not what people or stupid adverts tell them to be. They are what the've decided to be, with all the consequences, despite the danger to be outcast.
I wish I knew how long I am gonna decide to be this. To be here, on the other side, looking at the world from a different perspective, away from the core of my moral code, trying to understand, to make more close ups into different histories and heritages, more strechting of the tolerance that is not limitless. I wonder how big my curiosity is, how patient my patience...
How many faces of reality can we discover in a lifetime? How much courage does it take to break them all, to get rid of the nonsense and to keep just one argument we all can understand?

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Fopp and good memories.

I was today in Fopp. I love that shop; I could spend hours in there listening to all the tracks I haven't listened to yet, wondering around the movies I'd like to add to my collection and torturing myself thinking I shouldnt spend so much money in that but, Wow...There are still a lot of films that I'd love to have. It's like an obsession.
Among Mesrine and the collection of world cinema I found that The Rollng Sotnes were on offer this evening. Going through the cds on displayed I realised I've got them all.
After 15 years as devoted fan, no wonder I have all their discography in my possesion.
It's great being able to say that the best of these guys does not stand in the shelves of my room at home or in some portable cd in London. The best is in the memories of the 3 times I've seen them in concert. Specially the first one. It's always something special about the first one... I Hope this I am about to say doesnt hurt the ego of some guy somewhere out there, but that was the best night ever!!!
I still remember when I bought that ticket in Santiago. I made my way back to the Hostal Moure touching my pocket and feeling the happiest person on this planet. back then happiness wansnt very expensive. Dreams were worthier than 50000 pesetas.
I remember the face of my sister when I came in the room and I started to shout, posseded by ecitement, whilst a piece of paper with a babilonic lion raising in the desert got suspended in the air. In the top of it said "The Rolling Stones"...
I remember the thousands of pleople gathered in Balaidos that summer evening, the heat, the maria floating in the air, the bottles of water that my dad gave me before I came in in the stadium. I remember that in our way to Vigo I played 4 times "Stripped" until my dad begged me to put the radio for a while... And I rememeber the way my heart beated... It hadn't danced like that inside my chest not even in the good old times in A Rua, when "Pancho" used to leave the deep waters of the swimming pool to join us in the world of mortals...My galician God...He used to acelerate my pusle, but not like Mick...None like Mick. This Sir is quite something.
My heart almost exploded when the great BOOM gave to us as small figure jumping all over the satge at the rythm of Start me up...The rest is history. One of the best.
Such a great band!!!
So...No more cds to buy from them now. The last one was the Scorsese's adventure in the world of the band. How do you capture rock and roll? Martin knows you must live by it. Die not for gold, but for the glory of it. Who wants to hold his hand in a flowerly afternoon?? noooop. I want to sleep with the one who sits by the fence, the one who walks the line and knows the black history of stones that never settle. I wanna feel that time is on my side.
It's only rock'n roll, but I LIKE IT.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

freedom is a fact

Freedom is a fact!!
Finally, a mornign without the thought of clocking out soon just to head towards the library.
It feels weird.
If everything goes according to plan, in 12 months this weirdeness is gonna last for longer than a summer break. It' will become rutine. Eventually, it will bore me to death if I allow life to pass by without trying to get something out of it.
So I am starting to look for some remedy in order to avoid that disease of long afternoons leading to a day when everything is the same as the previous one.
The problem with planning is that I hate it. I am not a list person. I like to improvise, to be sourprised, to live the moment.
But, regardless my unorganized nature, I feel the need to estblish some limits to the unknown. And I know that remaining here is not in my non existing list.
How to say good bye to this city?? Well...I guess that by putting my ass in a plane or a train and not looking back. I never looked back. Well...Maybe a little I did, but never in anger. Whats the point in doing that?
I must say I never looked forward either and when I did, the view was so scary that I came back to the arms of here and now, where everything is secure and comfty.
The problem is that I am not loyal to that feeling either; when comfty starts to be very demanding...It stops being the perfect mental space. Everything that materialices it, stops having meaning and starts to look too familiar, reminding me of the existence of differetn possibilities, different landscapes and souls.
Souls...New ones, different ones, intersting ones...Souls like rivers to roam, like mountains to climb, like books to read...
Souls to spend a night with, souls I can dedicate a poem and the promise of a new "I love you". New Souls to learn that one more will come to supply me with the lacking elements that I haven't found yet to complete this definition of us.

Going back to that list...A new scenary is in the top of it. A new everything, actually. Starting by me.
I need more grams of common sense, kilos of well deserved happiness, kilometers of a Mediterranean beach where to get lost, thousands of miles visiting historical places, a buch of moments with the friends of my childhood who everyday get closer to that Stephen King's definition...Pam, pam...pam pam pam... I know what I mean . And they know too, for my OQM were never in vain.

So, I am getting some time off to think of that and build my next moonlights, for years have tought me that patience is in truth a virtue. Another one is knowing what to do with this surplus of not knowing. So many directions...So many... But at least I know that to start is always A PROMISING START!!

Whoever wants to buy some energy I advise you yo look for it in the market of life. It's quite expensive there, but is the best I can recomend.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Ready?? yes, no...yes,,no...Well. Bring it on! B happy.

So...ok...there we go...1 more year recently started which basically means that I am slightly older than yesterday but younger than tomorrow (u see?? always keep it positive)
I am a bit angry with the Universe because in 31 years, I stil didn't have a birthday in which I got up and did or thought about abosolutly nothing else appart from getting pissed with my friends.
Well, u r right, of course I can think of better ways to spend my brithday, though a bit of Scotch never hurted anyone.
Instead of that, today I'll be shortly thinking in what makes the CAP the most integrated policy in the EU. Not just that..I'll be writing about it in an exam paper, so some idiot who is an expert in the materia can bring all my confidence down with a red pen that is gonna scrtach over my quasi perfect and neat writing.
Yes,I am very proud of my writing. It costed me years trying to emulate perfectly the stupid sentence: PEDRO COMPRA MANZANAS EN EL MERCADO. Jessss...I used to get so nervous if I didn't get it right. Even when I was 6 I knew that that P wouldn't satisfy me unless it was done close to perfection. It was like an obsession. Yes...That's the very roots of my craziness...Little by little I am geting there. I'll pass on all the facts when I have them. No worries; be a bit patient, this one only took me 25 years to find :P

Despite the fact that my knowledge of the CAP is limited (though I have to say it increased in the last few weeks), I'll do my best.
Frist, because I am Spanish, and we always try no matter what. So, by nature, I don't have an option. I am a mechanism whith no guiding principles, but loads of bad results, strong temperament, no logical explanations...but in any bad given situation, reform is the answer. So we bend not ot break and we keep on going.
Secondly...Well, what would it be the alternative? Walking towards Camden to get pissed with the last of the Punks??
mmm....
Not too bad.
Unfortunatly, my system declares error when I force it to do that. Stupid responsability!!! Leave me alone!!
The fact is that an exam the day of my birthday is not that bad. Even if I fail the truth is that...Is not that bad. U know why??
Well...
That's when u had to give the answer. I can't do all the job in here!!!

Whatever...Be happy people. In the day when the sun returns to the house of your sign, making the very same allingment that the day u were born (I am sure these rules of the Universe mean something...I am sure they hide some answers bx, in the end, we are all made of stars. We are all fkng stars!!)
Be happy and truthful to your dreams, because I guess they are so stubborn that they'll never become old.
They are the only ones that have the power to keep u young inside!!

Yeap, still no quite ready for the exam but...bring it onnnn!!!