Friday 17 June 2011

Forever S.

I cannot pretend. Not even to myself. Who am I trying to fool? I do belong here, where a missing feeling can be cured by simply pressing play and letting your voice take me back home; where home is not so far away.
I carry that bloody country in my blood, in my thoughts...it's me. It's in my heart. It over takes all my self, leaving no space for anything else. It's axfisitating, like the greyness that today covers all: The sky and the hopes as soon as you turn the paper pages...From section to section, all their words talk about a sinking ship. They are like tenacious lyrics, repeating themselves till we come to take them as prophecies impossible to avoid. Too bad if you do not believe in destiny, because the future is foretold and there's no place left to run.
And in this agonizing atmosphere where the future is as black as the better Stone's song, I feel like playing the violin, as if I was one of the Titanic musicians, letting go and remaining till the end is night.
All these years walking on my line to find a way back, and I just came to realise that there is no way back. Every day I spent away from you, took me closer to a goal where your name is not inscribed, though it remains in the background like a promise to be fulfilled. Will I be ever able to go back to you? Have I ever left you?
It tortures me to hear from alien mouths words that hurt and degrade you. And when that happens, all I want to do is to slain the throats of those who dare to treat you like that. There are some lines we trace that none should cross. There are some lines too difficult to erase, some sacred sacraments in a godless world that had lost its faith that none should question.
And all I've got right now is my faith in you. I embrace it like a loaf of wood in the largest of the oceans where I found myself cast away.
I'll go with you if you decide to go down or if the rest of the world wants to take you there. Never mind how down. I'll follow you till the end. I am as much as your child as you are mine.
I want them to love you like I do, to see you with my eyes. But I find myself unable to transmit this energy that bounds us together. The way we belong to each other...I should wish this pain to none. I feel envious and pride of the pleasures you give to those who know how to find and understand you. We do not need anyone else.
I do not have the patient to explain the paradise no longer. Forgive me if I ever doubted you. Your soil is all that makes sense when everything else has lost its meaning.
Even for this nomad soul. Even for an eternal pilgrim, there must be a place called home. And that's where we are heading, never mind we are far in a physical distance. Home is you, it's here and now.

So if you ever felt like that, sing it to me once again. With that voice of yours like no other. Talk to me about love, like only you understand it and feel it, with that passion we do not know how to live without. They'll take it all, but we'll never surrender it. So, till you allow me to be yours, I will be yours forever.

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