Raquel's Room

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Por vois Mr R

Until you find me. What a nice title for a movie. However life is not a film; it is a much bigger piece of art, or box of chocolates, or whatever metaphor you want to use in order to describe the chaos, the beauty, the desperation and the amount of all those moments that are this vital period of struggle, pain and happiness. Until you find me. After watching all those made in Hollywood movies with their happy endings, I thought that it would be an easy enterprise for you to do that. Anyway, how big was the world for a girl who came from a small place in the corner of a country at the end of a continent that still struggles to define its identity? Not too big indeed. What the hell did it cost to convert an “impossible” into a maybe when time was not an enemy? Both time and space started and finished in the mountains that kept you away from me and I thought I had control over all of it. So was my kingdom of possibilities. Of course, in my imagination you never were the Prince who came in a white horse in order to rescue my princess me. Heavens no! Besides, I never had blue blood. I only got the nobility of the passion red one wildly riding through my veins. I never dreamt of wedding dresses and charming knights in their shining armour. You always were the adventure, the unknown, the wild land where I wanted to go. You were the promise, never the realization. You were, and still are, the inspiration, the thrill, the poetry and the music when the silence and dullness of the world take over, which they do now more often than before. I did not take me too long to realise that the Universe had played its cards putting us together in its infinite space and setting its rules as a challenge to overcome. How could I save it and defeat reality? How one makes her dreams come true? Somehow I knew I had to jump over all the imposed borders and silence my heart by abiding to its loudness, starting right there wherever you voice and presence wanted to take me. I had no map but your star was the only thing I needed. How many nights did I spend looking at it, talking to her, hoping for hope when the road seemed to long and endless? Someone said that real fighters never give up. But they get tired from time to time. They loose fuel in the bumpy journey towards their goals that never get out of their sight. So there you are: thousands of years away from me; and here I am: Still on the road, still standing, like an old rocking tune. Isn’t it perfect? Nowadays to triumph over the cliches is an oddity. To be oneself is a gas, gas, gas in a place where everybody pretends and wants to be someone different. I wonder who. For me is enough to live in the small picture. Why to bite more than you can chew? Why to hide behind promises and words that are only a curtain of smoke to deceive? And so it was that many deceivers crossed my path since I met you. It was certainly disappointing to trade my dreams with them. I guess that we all adapt different strategies when it comes to search for our own treasure. It’s just that some of them are difficult to understand. What else can you do but giving a total absence of judgement and keep moving? Because after all these years, there is only one thing I am certain of: There is no mountain high enough. I am not stopping. Not even now, when I am no longer sure if you are real or as fake and ethereal as the first picture I had of you. I’ll keep going because the road itself is you. You are my beginning and my end, my guiding light, my muse…You are my meaning. I don’t fully understand why, but I couldn’t live without this mystery, the absence of the reason that wants to rule the rest of my life. What a beautiful dream! What a perfect shelter in times when magic is in peril of extinction haunted by the auto imposed routine that we blindly believe gives sense to our lives. I don’t care if this is all it is: Just words and hope. I will embrace the jealous solitude as long as she allows me to have this moment forever. People say we are crazy. What’s wrong with that? So, I found you. Until you find me, I’ll be exactly where I am and have ever been: Waiting for you, watching you, fighting for you, fiercely believing in you, missing you, breathing you. Pour Vous, Brise FraĆ®che Sur Les Montagnes

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