I am getting used to love this city, but in my own way. I think that annoys a lot of people, but I cannot be bothered.
Lately, I have been in the lonely mood, dont' know why, but I feel kind of free like that. I like checking what's new in the streets by myself. I try to avoid getting used to this, but I cannot fight it. Actually, I don't want to: I like giving in to the will of running away from the multitude or merging with it without letting anyone enter into my sphere.
I think it was Ville who wrote an Ode to Solitude. I like this guy; Anytime I listen to his voice I can sense that he really feels what he sings, in the way that he went through it, and still he wirtes beautifully about the pain, the loss and the hope. I should write "feels" in capital letters because he's got a sort of authenticity I always felt atracted to. I like that.
He might be a non conventional artist, but who needs more of those hiper marketized ones who look all the same? The system I guess. But there is always a contra stream flowing next to the conventional one. I like swimming in those waters.
It might e my curse that I fear to be trapped in this adiction to individuality and independence. It's important to keep solitude in chains, because that is a tricky one.
Sean Penn, in his marvellous film "Into the Wild", chose to end up highlighting the idea that happiness, if it's not shared, it's not happiness. There it is an important thought and Rousseau comes again to my mind.
Those moments, those breaks of isolation..Are they becoming longer? It only scares me that they become inevitable.
What if this is it? I could get used to it...I could release that side of me...I could live away from society. It's quite scary...The bliss of solitude.